Lead Writing Workshop 2/25/13

Lead with more oomph:

Despite the fact that freshman Isabelle Molle considers herself a klutz, swing dance welcomes her with open arms. Graduate student Ian Marshall doesn't have to have to have a perfect sense of rhythm to learn how to Lindy Hop.
 
"Any dance is a lot of fun, but with swing you don't have to pay attention to form or match the count. it's a loose dance that makes me more creative," said Ian Marshall.

UNH Hep Cats swing dancing club invites men and women of all skill levels to step outside of their comfort zone, let loose, and dance their way back to the 1920s.

"It's a challenge that forces you out of your comfort zone, but also it's fun to be in a new environment," said Hep Cats President Kaitlyn LaCourse.

The Hep Cats increase appreciation for the past by uses dance styles popular during the "swing era" from the 1920s to 1950s. The best known swing dance is the Lindy Hop, a popular partner dance.

"Basically picture the prom scene from the movie Grease," LaCourse said.

Summary lead:

The Hep Cats, the University of New Hampshire's swing dancing club, invites students to step outside of their comfort zone and time travel back to the 1920s for a night of Lindy Hop.

The club challenges students to get out of the comfort zone, to learn about cultures past and meet new people on the dance floor, according to Hep Cats President Kaitlyn LaCourse.

"This evening is going to be something for everyone to try, you can come in a couples..."

The Swing Your Sweetheart dance, the first of two Hep Cats dances this semester, will be on Friday, February 15 from 7-11p.m. in the red-and-white clad Strafford room.

Parsing Leads

I chose to look at three articles from Boston-area news organizations about former Chelsea Housing Authority chief Michael McLaughlin. The articles cover McLaughlin's court case as he is expected to plead guilty to the falsification of documents that hid his inflated salary from officials from 2008 to 2001. The three articles I looked at are from the Boston Herald, the Boston Globe's Boston.com and the Lowell Sun.

Since this is a hard news story, each article had a summary news lead. I think this was the best and most effective option because it introduces the reader right away to the gravity of the story and also makes it easier to understand the legal component. While each organization used the same lead style, there are variations that separate them.

Sarah Favot from the Lowell Sun said,

"Former Chelsea Housing Authority executive director and Dracut resident Michael McLaughlin has agreed to plead guilty to federal charges of falsifying documents hiding his inflated salary from state and federal officials, according to an agreement filed in federal court Friday." 

Favot does a good job highlighted the main point of the story and emphasizing the local impact (the Lowell Sun covers Dracut), but this lead is a bit wordy. It it a long sentence packed with details that makes me feel that if I were reading it out loud, I'd want to do it on one fluid motion, but would run out of breath before I got to the end.

The Globe staff report from Andrea Estes, Sean Murphy and Martin Finucane said,

"Former Chelsea Housing Authority chief Michael E. McLaughlin has agreed to plead guilty to four federal charges of deliberately concealing his huge salary from state and federal regulators from 2008 until he resigned in 2011, according to an agreement filed in federal court today."

I like this lead because it puts the issue into simple and concise terminology, making it very easy to quickly understand what the article is about. The tone is more conversational than Favot's and also uses stronger wording such as "deliberately concealing" and "huge salary." This lead makes me feel like the reporter(s) are talking to me, not at me.

Finally, Chris Cassidy from the Boston Herald said,

"Disgraced former Chelsea Housing Authority director Michael McLaughlin pleaded guilty today to charges he hid his inflated salary from 2008 to 2011 in a plea deal with federal prosecutors."

This lead it a bit different since the report came after the decision was made, but still shows the same lead style. I really like the simplicity of this lead, basically keeping it to the bare bones of the issue. Colorful language is used immediately with the word "disgraced" and continues in a short sentence effectively summing up the issue. One issue I have is the wording "...pleaded guilty to charges he hid..." This sounds awkward. I would change it to "...pleaded guilty today to charges that he hid..."

It was interesting to put these three leads next to each other and see what works and what doesn't and also what styles and techniques I prefer. After looking at them, I think simplicity in the lead is most important for a story of this nature. The story is about a public official that did something wrong, so naturally the headline alone is going to spark interest from readers. Because of this, laying out the gist of the story right away, then delving deeper into the details, seems most effective to me.

Thoughts on the Text

This week's reading focused heavily on clear and concise writing. As an editor, it is my job to make sure the integrity of the story remains intact while also keeping the writing tight.

I've always been that kid in the class who loves grammar, which naturally gave me an interest in copy editing. Years of editing research papers and creative writing pieces for friends gave me a hint as to what was to come in Editing 711. Despite my love of grammar minutia, I was really excited to dive into content editing. Taking a grammatically correct sentence and trying to make it even better is something that I haven't had much practice with.

One section of the text that stuck out to me was the importance of keeping the writer's voice present throughout the editing process. As an editor, I'll have to make judgement calls all of the time about what details are important and how to say the same thing in ten words instead of twenty-five.

My initial thought about content editing was to do what needed to be done. If the sentence doesn't make sense, rewrite it. Too many cliches? Delete them. Paragraph too long? Rearrange and chop it. I've never really stopped to think about the necessity of making sure the piece is still written by the reporter, not me the editor.

The example in the book about the reporter to editor ratio in a newsroom helped me understand even better. There are many more reporters than editors and if each editor rewrites according to his or her style, not the reporter's style, the publication will lack in variety and ultimately interest. It will be a challenge for me to edit with another style in mind, but I'm anxious to learn how I strike the proper balance.

"Google Boss Schmidt labels China an 'IT menace'"

In a recent BBC article, Google Chairman Eric Schmidt speaks about his new book, The New Digital Age, in which he calls China "the world's most active and enthusiastic filterer of information." This section in the book continues that, "the Chinese government manipulates the internet for political and economic gain."

After spending four months in China, articles relating to the Chinese government and the internet jump out at me. In the past month, Chinese citizens have been protesting in Beijing, demanding more internet freedom. Being a one-party system, the Chinese government has the ability to quell the protests quickly and block citizens in other provinces from ever knowing what happened. It does not, however, have the power to keep the rest of the world from finding out.

The BBC article continues by referencing the recent hacking attacks of China coverage against both the Wall Street Journal and The New York Times. China's foreign ministry denies the accusations completely, but this does little to dissuade many from linking China to the hacking attacks.

For a government that tries so hard to to keep a consistent and controlled outward image, it's not hard to imagine that the Chinese government would attempt to alter the way which the world perceives it. One question that this article brings to my mind is how far the Chinese government is willing to go to keep up desired appearances? Perhaps it stems from centuries of seclusion or just national pride, but China's need to display ideal life is strong and growing.

BBC article

A Rant On Poor Grammar

I'm the kind of person who corrects others' grammar in casual conversation. For example, if my friend Sara said, "There's so many people in Hoco right now!" I couldn't help but respond, "There ARE so many people in Hoco right now." Even if I'm walking behind someone who says "No mom, don't worry, all of my classes are going really good so far," I can't help but mutter to myself, "Yes mom, my classes are also going really well."

Society as a whole has slipped into the habit of using poor grammar. Driving down any street in America, one is assaulted by punctuation and spelling errors.

"Were now open late!"

"NEW bluebrry muffins, your going to love it!"

The purpose of these signs is to advertise to the public what is being offered, but the message becomes completely lost because of the blazing error.

 I understand that the employees of Dunkin Donuts and Burger King have more pressing matters to deal with than editing the sandwich board, but would it be too difficult to check an apostrophe or ask a coworker about proper spelling?

I suspect that lack of interest in grammar has a lot to do with the fast-paced mindset of our generation, brought about via TV, internet and mobile devices. Not many people take the time to write out the word "to" anymore, let alone use a comma and period in the correct place. Everything is focused on taking the next step, moving faster and never looking back.

I understand that I am in the minority, being a person who enjoys editing and studying grammar, but I wish that an emphasis could again be placed on taking a moment to double check before rushing on to the next item at hand.

I've tried to take a stand in my own life and write texts and emails in the same manner I would a paper for class. Casual speech can still be grammatically correct. Besides, it really doesn't take that much extra time to capitalize "I" or spell out the word "probably."